It’s all good now. Scarlett Johansson revealed to Cosmopolitan in its May 2016 cover story that many years ago, she was in a relationship with someone who was seemingly always M.I.A. — and that was when she hit “rock bottom.”

“Long, long ago, I had someone in my life who was forever unavailable … but, like, so attractively unavailable,” recalled The Jungle Book actress, 31, who’s now married French journalist Romain Dauriac, with whom she shares a 19-month-old baby girl, Rose Dorothy. “You have to get to your breaking point.”

For Johansson, that moment of realization wasn’t just low — it was the lowest. “Rock bottom is the moment when you’re like, ‘I’ve lost myself. Why am I standing outside this bar at 1:30 in the morning texting while my friends are inside?'” she told Cosmo. “‘Or taking a taxi to see him at some ungodly hour? This isn’t me.’ That is the moment you’ve gotta cut it off. Otherwise, it will keep coming back, suck your blood.”

While Johansson didn’t drop any specific names, the Oscar nominee has a rather rich and complex history with some of Hollywood’s highest-profile hotties. She famously dated Josh Hartnett from 2005 to 2007, but the two ultimately split over distance and differing commitments. “At the end of the day we’re just ordinary people, and it didn’t work,” Hartnett said in a subsequent interview with the Mirror UK, adding that the split itself was “really painful.”

She went on to marry Ryan Reynolds in 2008, and the two split in 2011 after three years of marriage. He remarried Blake Lively in September 2012, and the two share a 15-month-old daughter. After splitting from Reynolds, Johansson briefly dated Sean Penn in 2011, followed by NYC ad executive Nate Naylor in 2012. Then, she met Dauriac.

Johansson was also linked to Lena Dunham‘s current boyfriend, fun. guitarist Jack Antonoff, back in 2001, and she briefly dated Jared Leto in early 2004.

While her dating life has garnered countless headlines, Johansson (wearing a dress by Christian Siriano on the cover) wanted to spotlight more important issues during her interview with Cosmo. 

“There are countries at war, there’s terrorism, global warming, and we’re like, ‘We should definitely cut the budget for Planned Parenthood. Let’s take away the availability of women’s health initiatives!'” Johansson griped to the mag. “It’s nuts. We’re talking about preventing cervical and breast cancers. Growing up, I used [PP’s] services. All my girlfriends did — not just for birth control but for Pap smears and breast exams. You read about the rise of back-alley abortions, women having to mutilate themselves and teenagers having to seek help in unsafe conditions, and for what?! We’re moving backward when we’re supposed to be moving forward.”

The May 2016 issue of Cosmo hits stands on April 12.

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